I. Notice to the Applicant
Most apologies are defenses wearing a costume. They arrive dressed as remorse, and then, one clause in, they start litigating. The mouth says sorry while the sentence works quietly to acquit. You have received these. You have probably issued a few.
A real apology is a smaller machine than people think. It names the act. It names the cost. It states a change. Then it hands over the one thing that makes it real: the other person's right to refuse it. Anything added past that point is usually there to protect the speaker, and the listener can always tell.
This page is a workbench for building the small machine. It has one strict tolerance: it will not accept the word but. That word is a hinge, and everything before a hinge swings shut.
II. Known Counterfeits
The following specimens circulate widely. None are legal tender.
“I'm sorry you feel that way.”
defect: apologizes for the feeling, not the act. relocates the problem into the other person's chest and offers condolences on it.
“I'm sorry if anyone was offended.”
defect: the conditional escape. an if makes the harm hypothetical, and you cannot be sorry for a hypothesis.
“Mistakes were made.”
defect: the passive escape. the mistakes apparently made themselves, unattended, while everyone stood at a respectful distance.
III. The Instrument
Complete the four fields in your own words. The fair copy assembles itself below. Write plainly. Plainness is the whole trick.
the act, stated plainly
what it cost them
I was wrong to do it, and I'm sorry.
what changes now
the ask, theirs to refuse
Nothing on this page is sent anywhere. There is no server, no save button, no copy of this in any drawer but yours. Close the tab and it is gone.
That is by design. An apology is not a document. It only works out loud, at close range, delivered by you, to them, with your own face. This page can help you build it. It cannot say it for you. Nobody can.
end of form · delivery is manual